BOOM!, Justin

Women love rebels. And unlike employers or the Electoral College, they’ll accept outlaws with open arms because of their bad boy mystique. What’s more intriguing than a man that’s spent time in prison? With all that time to think, I’d bet that most prisoners have some pretty profound things to say.

Bad boys drive women crazy — and criminals are the ultimate bad boys. Your stint in prison is like my trek across Europe as a backpacker with no responsibilities and no destination. Except that your story is true.

The most attractive traits a man can have are a care-free attitude and an unpredictable sense of adventure. By having been arrested, you prove to women that you truly don’t care what society thinks of your actions. Who knows what a date with you might bring: Dinner and drinks — or a liquor store hold-up using a shank?

Immediately tell this woman that you’ve been to jail. Not only will your checkered past appeal to her sense of rebellion, but you’ll also be getting yourself off the hook for the slave chores that her straight-arrow, law-abiding ex-boyfriends were demanded to complete.

She wants to go on a romantic picnic at the local park? You’re not allowed within 200 feet of children. She wants you to go home with her to meet her parents? Your parole officer won’t let you leave the city. She wants to go out for drinks at the new night club in town? You can’t trust yourself to not commit brutal acts of violence after consuming alcohol.

Let this woman know that you’ve done hard time, Justin. Just be sure that she’s not a NARC before telling her too much.

BOOM!