Player ID:
Billy Velvet

Player’s Mood:
Optimistic

Location:
The Sip, Coffeeshop

Date and Time:
Saturday, May 19th, 3:37pm

Wind Direction:
SW

Summary of Events
Target spotted reading Existentialism and Human Emotions by Jean-Paul Sartre. Possible sources of resistance:

Target’s oversized coffee cup reads, “Don’t talk to me until this is empty”

Target’s hemp messenger bag adorned with anti-establishment lapel pins

Target appears to hate everyone

Player approaches target and employs recently developed conversation opener:

”How far along are you? You know, in your pregnancy.”

Target ignores player.

Player continues conversation offensive — initiates “cocky and funny” dialogue with target:

”I’m way too buff to be your boyfriend.”

Target ignores player.

”Do you know where the nearest supercomputer is? I need to balance my check book.”

Target ignores player.

”I won the spelling bee in fourth grade. Ostentatious.”

Target ignores player.

The lighting in here really brings out your inner beauty

Player sits next to Target and attempts to read over her shoulder. Target squirms uncomfortably and inches away from Player. Player invites Target to the barbeque he is throwing later in the week. Target declines. Player asks Target for her phone number to invite her to future barbeques. Target ignores player.

Player attempts to build rapport with Target by asking her what she does for a living. Target begins elaborating at length about her job as a waitress at a nightclub. Target appears incredibly troubled by her stressful career.

Player checks watch: Twenty minutes have elapsed since Target began describing the minute details of serving drinks to him. Player attempts to disguise yawn as gasp of enthusiasm. Target is inspired to continue talking by Player’s perceived interest.

Player struggles to stay awake. Target appears oblivious to Player’s discomfort. Player is offered reprieve when Target gets up to use bathroom but promises to return promptly. Player immediately begins retreat toward coffee shop door when Target leaves vicinity but stops after noticing that Target left her cell phone in her purse.

Player calls his own phone from Target’s phone.

MISSION OUTCOME: SUCCESS